Last week, I received a message from a long-time friend. She and I go all the way back to sixth grade. Her little sister's life was tragically stolen by the relentless tormentor of cancer. She was thirty-seven. She was stunning. She was a mother, sister, aunt, daughter, cousin, friend. She is gone. This morning, I received a message from another friend. Her cousin, a senior in high school, was in an ATV accident. He had his entire, amazing life ahead of him, but he was ripped from life to death in one single, disastrous moment. How? How in this hell-hard grief do you say "thanks"?
The truth is, hearts are broken all across this same America that is supposed to pause for gratitude this week. Marriages are falling apart, jobs have been lost, news from doctors has devastated, finances are fragile, gaping soul-wounds fester, alcoholism rages, relationships have been betrayed, depression lurks. There are so many different forms of death that cast a shadow across our souls, and if it isn't happening to you, I guarantee there is someone you know or someone your path has crossed that it is happening to. We are broken people in a broken world. AND it's Thanksgiving. What do we say to the motherless children, the parents who have buried a child, the widow who lost her beloved, the man whose wife ran off and left him with kids to raise alone? I ask again. How in this hell-hard grief do you say it?
...thanks...
Let all platitudes be silenced. There simply are no words for soul-bending pain.
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To the hurting and broken, even with God, some things don't make any human sense. We turn them over in our minds a thousand and one different ways, but God is not a genie god answering prayers like wishes granted to bless us with a perfect, untainted life. When we have pleaded and prayed from the depths of our soul-bones for something that meant the world to us, yet our world makes no sense at all, it can leave us in an utter faith crisis. Sometimes, our world gets rocked right down to ash and there is no explanation.If you are aching and feel abandoned this Thanksgiving, I want you to know it's okay. It might be hard for you to get out of bed, let alone to try to get your heart around to being grateful. You don't have to, but if it is in your heart to try to offer a thank you, I want you to know that whatever fragment you can muster to hold up with trembling hands, that priceless fragment, is likely more valuable than a million thanks easily uttered from a place of abundance, because that fragment or shard will probably cost you everything. In giving it, you will have given ALL. If you can't, it's all right. You are not alone. You are understood. I keep thinking about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was hauled off to his accusers to be tortured and murdered on rough-hewn beams. He was asking His Dad for another way through the soul-crushing path he was on. I don't recall Him saying thank you, but he did ultimately surrender in the midst of asking for a different way through or around His circumstance. Hear this. For the love of all things holy, Jesus pleaded for an answer He didn't get! If you are hurting, be gracious to yourself. I won't promise that your pain will make sense, but I know you can get through this, even if it is one breath at a time. If you can't say thank you, let it go. That will be okay, too. Focus on breathing.
Inhale.
Exhale.
It is enough.
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If you know someone carrying unspeakable wounds, I want to encourage you to let your love and compassion be evident in actions. Weep with those that are weeping. Sit beside another in their sorrow. Even well-intentioned words have the potential to sprinkle salt on open sores. Staying quiet is often the most loving action you can offer. Take a meal. Give a hug. Offer your service. Be a listening ear. Whatever you are led to do, do it without expectation. Be kind to those who need your kindness. Maybe your smile will be the very thing that keeps someone else's head above water for a day. You never know the full impact of simple things. Be mindful of those who might be lonely this Thanksgiving. Holidays are a difficult time for a lot of people. By all means, soak up all the joy you can if you are surrounded by it this holiday. Don't be ashamed of that at all! It's a beautiful gift. Just try to be aware and others minded. You might be surprised what beauty will come across your path as you selflessly give love and care to one who truly needs it.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8 (NLT)
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