Butterflies have long been a symbol of freedom to me. I don't think this is necessarily a unique position or feeling, but I know how special it is to me when I see a butterfly. During two of the darkest times of my life, God, in a way I can't fully explain in this space today, miraculously connected the image of the butterfly to how I am rescued, how He can make something beautiful out of darkness, and how He ultimately freed me from so many chains of my broken-girl past. When I see a butterfly, I am reminded that I am loved, I am FREE, I am cherished, I am adored, I am God's beloved who cared enough ABOUT ME to bust open the cocoon surrounding me, cared enough to give me wings, and to show me that I could...WOULD fly.
BUT...life is life, and sometimes life can jolt us to the core.
Sometimes, this very human girl, despite the truth, feels a million miles away from feeling FREE, and a million miles away from that TRUTH.
Roughly a year ago, I was in that place of "sometimes." God was silent, and had seemed virtually silent for months. I kept pressing in, praying, seeking, pleading, and trying to trust Him anyway. My faith was stretching, almost to the point of breaking. My heart was struggling with the desire to hear from God... to hear something... anything... a whisper, nudge, or shout... some kind of "kiss" from Him to remind me that I was still His beloved, I was still in His heart, and that He heard my soul-song cry out to Him.
It was evening, and I was in the housewares aisle in Walmart (of all places) slowly pushing my grocery cart between the Keurig coffee makers and springy colored bath towels. I was in a reflective mood, praying under my breath, talking to God and pouring out my sorrows and frustrations, because that's what I usually do when I'm alone in a store. Don't judge. {wink...wink}
Mid-crying-out, I looked up and saw something flit back and forth against the backdrop of the store's fluorescent lights. I squinted to try to make out what it was. I thought it was a leaf or crumpled piece of paper. My eyes were locked on the strange movement. Was there a fan blowing this thing around? I didn't feel a breeze of any kind. The oddness of it had me mesmerized. This thing, whatever it was, was getting closer to where I was standing, and as it passed the cross aisle right in front of me, I saw that it was a BUTTERFLY.
A BUTTERFLY...
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MONARCH BUTTERFLY, FLYING AROUND *INSIDE* WALMART!
It was the VERY FIRST butterfly that I saw last year. It quickly passed in front of me and out of sight. Gone. I kept thinking how amazing it was that I just saw a butterfly fly in front of me.
INSIDE WALMART...
I was in a bit of disbelief, and I had the thought that I REALLY WISHED it would have flown right to me... down the aisle I was in. Maybe I was searching for an undeniable something or other? Maybe I just wanted irrefutable affirmation that God was looking down on this ragamuffin girl and giving her a "kiss." I'm sure I could win awards for the doubt I experience at times.
No sooner than I was caught up and nearly swept away in my own skepticism...
THE BUTTERFLY CAME BACK!
It darted back and forth and up and down, turned the corner, and flew right up to me.
RIGHT UP TO ME...
For a second, I thought the Monarch was going to land on my shoulder. Time slowed, and as the beautiful amber wings folded closed and then opened again, it sailed over my head, and lifted God's silence. My doubt was obliterated.
God's TRUTH again flooded and tears streamed down my cheeks.
I am God's BELOVED who cared enough ABOUT ME to send a butterfly to me in the middle of Walmart between the coffee and bath towels.
I am God's BELOVED who cares enough ABOUT YOU to tell you that...
HE ADORES YOU.
YOU ARE CHERISHED.
HE CARES.
YOU ARE DESIRED.
HE'S NUTS ABOUT YOU!
YOU MATTER.
YOU ARE SEEN.
YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU BELONG.
YOU ARE BELOVED.
For some reason, God brought you to this blog today. It may not be a butterfly in Walmart, but He brought you HERE to this ragamuffin little corner of the internet. Let His TRUTH wash over you today, BELOVED OF GOD.
TRUTH...
All is grace...always grace,
