and they happen for different reasons. Lately, my soul has been aching. It's been a silent ache, because I haven't shared with anyone what's really been going on in the deep. However, there is ONE who ALWAYS knows...
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Ministry can be hard on a family. It's, honestly, been brutal on ours. One of the difficulties in ministry is that you never really have a place to put roots down. Our family has made six major moves in the past twenty years, staying usually two to five years each place. We may be naive, because...
WE KNOW ROOTS ARE NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE IN MINISTRY
...but somehow, each position we have ever been called to we have fully committed our hearts.
HEART ROOTS.
We assumed each position would be our last. Naive or not, I'm not really sure there is any other way to truly minister to the people in your care if you don't have some sense of permanence or commitment to them. A pastor and his family *NEEDS* to care this deeply about the people entrusted to them. A pastor *SHOULD* care this deeply about the church he's called to lead. So each place we served, we fully jumped in. After the emotional roller-coaster of hurts and letting go of the first four moves, the fifth church we served we were bound and determined not to jump so fully in when we arrived. Despite our efforts to keep our hearts from getting entangled, it didn't work. There was no way for us to keep our hearts out of what we were doing.
WHEN YOU "DO LIFE" TOGETHER WITH AN INTIMATE GROUP OF PEOPLE, YOU GET ATTACHED.
PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
That group of people becomes your family, and for more than a decade, they were. It was the longest we have ever lived anywhere in the almost twenty-two years of our married lives. To our children, Michigan was the only home they had ever known. We, without a doubt, had...
HEART ROOTS.
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Fifteen months ago GOD CALLED US on. He called us away to rest, but also to a different future. Leaving Michigan was one of the biggest faith steps we have taken. Ever. To leave people we deeply loved, and who deeply loved us was painful. Our HEART ROOTS ripped and tore and bled. To shift from in-the-flesh-let's-hang-out-for-coffee-let-me-give-you-a-great-big-hug relationships to I'll-call-you-text-you-facebook-you-pray-for-you-from-a-distance-no-hugs-ever relationships has filled me with sorrow for more than a year. My heart aches. I miss, and miss deeply. I miss those who have become our family. I miss people. I miss purpose. I miss community. Some days I get lost in the ache.
HOW DO YOU TRUST IN THE ACHE?
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A few months ago, WAVES OF HOPE washed over us. We felt God stir our hearts, and we heard Him clearly call. He told us that it was time to be about HIS business, again. He asked us to form a tiny community with the only families we know here in Colorado. Three little families. We were thrilled, excited, overjoyed...
WE WERE DREAMING GOD'S DREAMS FOR US.
I wasn't sure we would ever have that opportunity again. We have been so battered by life over the past twenty years, the ability to dream was somewhat miraculous- it was a marked touch from Him. We were beginning to believe, hope, and feel joyfully excited about the possibilities.
I FELT AS IF GOD HEARD MY HEART'S CRY.
I felt like we would again be living out a deeper purpose. We would again have a community that we could love and that would love us. We could grow together and not be so alone on the journey. We talked about ideas and we made loose plans for the coming months ahead. Then we hit a huge, unexpected road block. It felt as if...
THE HOPE-BALLOON HAD BURST
...and thousands of its tiny little pieces scattered. How do you pick up the pieces when it took so much to hope in the first place? Some days I get lost in the ache of broken pieces.
HOW DO YOU TRUST IN THE ACHE?
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How can you be lonely when you live in a house with eight other people? How can you be lonely when you are loved deeply and dearly by your beloved? How can you be lonely when the walls of your home are filled with the laughter and play of children?
HOW CAN YOU BE LONELY WHEN YOU HAVE GOD?
Well, let me tell you that you can. I have been lonely. I am human. I miss being able to call my friends and meet them at the local coffee shop or the wings joint. I miss being able to have conversations in person about everything and nothing.
I MISS HUGS.
I MISS FACES.
I MISS VOICES.
I MISS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.
I MISS INDIVIDUALS.
I MISS PEOPLE.
I MISS COMMUNITY.
I miss, and I ache. (sigh)
HOW DO YOU TRUST IN THE ACHE?
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YOU PRAY IN THE ACHE...
YOU WAIT IN THE ACHE...
YOU MUSTER UP ANY SHRED OF FAITH IN THE ACHE...
YOU CRY IN THE ACHE...
YOU BE HONEST IN THE ACHE...
AND ABOVE ALL ELSE, YOU REMEMBER AND KNOW THAT GOD IS GOD, AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU...
TRUST HIM...TRUST HIM...TRUST HIM
IN THE ACHE...
THE ONE WHO ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT IS IN THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL HOLDS YOU IN HIS HANDS AND IN HIS CARE...
HIS KISS WILL COME...
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One of my God-kisses came a week ago. Dear friends of ours from Indiana called and wondered if they could come visit us this weekend. Because we are 1,200 miles from almost everyone that we know, this was as spur-of-the-moment-wonderful as it gets! The trip would be a birthday gift for the wife. She asked for "The Sargents" for her birthday. Wow. Little did she know that...
MY SWEET JESUS HEARD MY HEART'S CRY.
He knew the loneliness in my soul, and how much I missed. Their trip here is actually going to be a gift from...
HIM TO ME!
Only God knew what was really going on in the deep with me. Only God knows what is going on in the deep with you. I know I don't have all the "kisses" I would like or need from Him, but this one gives me...
HOPE THAT HE HEARS ME...
AND HOPE THAT HE CARES...
It gives me a little boost to keep trusting even in the most difficult of achy days. I want to encourage you to KEEP TRUSTING, too. Perhaps a God-kiss has already come your way? Continue holding on, dear heart. Perhaps a God-kiss has come but it's hiding in an unexpected place? Perhaps you need to keep hanging on?
HOLD FAST.
DON'T GIVE UP.
HE KNOWS YOUR HEART.
HE FEELS YOUR ACHE.
HE LOVES YOU AND WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT...
YOUR KISS WILL COME.
IT'S COMING, DEAR ONE, IT'S COMING.
